The USS\ CPP Kickstart (Fin. USS\ CPP Potkustartti) was a P-Fleet Constipation class cruiser[1] under the command of Captain James B. Pirk. It participated in the Battle in Earth's orbit, and in the Battle of Fibula Sector, both against the Plingons, among possible others. It was destroyed shortly after the collision with the Plingon Battlebruiser due to an antimaterial gas leak.

Characteristics Edit

The USS Kickstart was a Constipation class P-Fleet cruiser, capable of housing a crew of 100 people[1]. Among its more prominent quarters were the bridge, the Aft-10 Lounge, and the Captain's quarters. It's antimaterial gas engines - in unison with a twist-drive - could accelerate up to Twist factor 7, but Twist factor 4 was generally enough for traveling[1].

Weaponry Edit

  • Light balls - projectile-type, high-caliber, explosive weaponry. Fired four projectiles in one shot[1].
  • Twinkers - laser-type, low-caliber, beam weaponry.

Armor Edit

  • Deflector plates - medium powered energy-shield. Generated a green force-field around the ship on impact.
  • Hull - could withstand several light ball and twinker shots; on rare occasions, a direct collision with another ship.

Other equipment Edit

In addition to its standard twist-drive, the ship ran on batteries that were necessary for its electrical systems to function. These could be recharged manually from a dynamo, if necessary. Aside from the standard computers, the bridge was outfitted with a Coffee-o-Matic, and a telly for video communication and strategic data. The Captain's post was located in the middle of the bridge. Tactical - the Weapons Officer's post - was located behind the Captain's post. It did not have a chair. The ship carried at least three space-sleds, which were used for short-distance transportation, or for evacuation, in the event of the ship's destruction. Additionally, there were two sucking beams - one in the front, and on in the rear.

Service RecordEdit

Nothing is known of the Kickstart other than that it was built around the year 2363 - or some time before that - and came under command of captain James B. Pirk. Under Captain Pirk, its five-month mission was as follows: "To seek out more room for humanity and destroy enemies. To boldly go to destroy enemies in a garbage cow where no ape would have dared to go"[2]. Among its most well-known missions were:

Battle in Earth's orbitEdit

Main article: Battle in Earth's orbit Edit

Orbiting Mynos 3, the Kickstart received a distress call from the USS Excessive, which came under Plingon attack in Earth's orbit. The Kickstart quickly made its way to Earth and assisted the Excessive, making short work of the attackers, taking minor damage.

Battle of Fibula SectorEdit

Main article: Mission to Fibula Sector Edit

Five months after the Battle in Earth's orbit, the Kickstart received new orders from P-Fleet, and flew towards the Fibula Sector, where it had to destroy any enemies. It immediately came under attack by three Plingon Battlebruisers. After an intense battle, two of the Plingon ships were destroyed, but the Kickstart ran out of ammo, and the deflector plates failed. The hull sustained moderate damage, and the front sucking beam had been sent off flying into space. It was decided to use the rear sucking beam to prevent the Plingons from firing, but the plan backfired, destroying both ships. The crew managed to survive, and reached a space station.


  • Captain - James B. Pirk
  • Various others

Issues Edit

Firing computer

Mr. Fukov applying brute force on the firing terminal, as suggested by Mr. Spook

Due to P-Fleet's sub-par financing, the Kickstart's the two weapons systems could not be fired at the same time[2]. Additionally, the weapons terminal constantly malfunctioned, to the point of buttons being stuck, or the terminal overheating. Interestingly enough, the computer panel was liquid-proof. At the same time, running the ship's Red Alert Alarm in unison with other systems would cause battery overloads.

Behind the scenes Edit

The Kickstart is a parody of Starship Enterprise from Star Trek, after which it was modeled.

Seen In Edit

References Edit

  1. 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 Star Wreck Roleplaying Game
  2. 2.0 2.1 Star Wreck 2: The Old Shit

Gallery Edit